I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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