so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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