soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
