whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
