I wish my penis had an off switch
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
