Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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