He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She even gives head with a lisp.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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