apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
