Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize