do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
