I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
