yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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