cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
