why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
