I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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