i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
