I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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