See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
