just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
