So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
