I got chris browned last night
grandma shit on top of the toilet
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
