i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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