Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
