my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
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swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
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HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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