look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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