Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
