The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
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Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
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And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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