i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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