fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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