Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
