So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
