i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
