you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
