get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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