i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
