he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize