I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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