we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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