Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
