Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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