I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
