i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
