so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
This is classic penis vs brain.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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