so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize