I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
