I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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