i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
