you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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