I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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