i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
