hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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