okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
