I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize