That's intense
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Im part way to drunk.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
