So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
