The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
