How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
