to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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