on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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