we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
