Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize