I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
