I CAN MOONWALK!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i think i have herpe
just one?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize