I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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