I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
