why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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