I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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