textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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