Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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