fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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