I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
