So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
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yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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